~meditation…something new~

Dear Lily,

Today was a hot day and it was a really really lazy day. Hot days for me always leads to nothing. It’s just too hot to do anything. Hot days also leads to hot nights, which leads to  restless sleep.

Which leads to a possible solution.

It was such a good thing then that your uncle invited me to go to a meditation seminar. I initially said yes, but as the day got closer and because today was a hot, I hesitated. But I thought hey, it’s free and there was nothing else to do.

I am glad to have attended the seminar, it opened my eyes to a great possibility of becoming a better person.

The speaker, I believe was a tad boring, but the videos sold me.  Maybe I am just a sucker for marketing ploys.  But only good thing can come out of it.

So I decided to sign up for it. Since I will be on holidays in February, I decided to do the four day seminar. I will update on the progress.

So Lily, try as much things as you can, even if you don’t enjoy it at first, at least you learn from it. You will know what you like and what you don’t like.

Stillness is a good way to calm your soul and find out what it is you can and should be”

Try being still, because there are times you will need to.

Love you always,

MUM x

 

~work…not on weekends?!~

Dear Lily,

Today I worked, yes on a Saturday, your hard working mum worked.  This lead me to think of the saying ‘if you love your job, you never have to work a day in your life’.  It took me years to figure out what that saying meant. To me it means that if you work in the field you are passionate about, it won’t feel like work. You will  actually enjoy going to work every day and be happy to do overtime if you must.

But how do you find the job you love? First you must find your passion. What are you passionate about? What are you into? What do you enjoy doing? What don’t you like to do? What are you not passionate about?

I believe the best way to find your passion is to be adventurous and try and learn about as many jobs or careers as possible.  Try working at a fast food place or volunteer at a animal shelter. Do as much as you can and take risks. Each of the jobs or volunteering opportunities you take will teach you a new skill or a new talent.

I suggest to also talk to people who work in the field. Find out what their day is like and what the advantages and disadvantages are to their job. Talking to people will greatly improve your social skills, this is always a skill that will serve you well in any endeavour you wish to pursue.

It may take a while to find the job you like, but be patient, you will find it. It’s a part of life, some things just take time, while some things don’t.

There will be days that you question if the work you do is worth it. But i hope that those days are a rare occurrence. We all have days like these, and they don’t last, I promise you that.

I just want you to be happy, not just be content with your life, but be immensely happy. And the only way to do that is to be adventurous and try out as much as you can. Read as many books and articles as you can. Learn from other people. You can always learn something from someone, no matter how short the conversation is, or what their circumstances are in life.

Don’t be envious if you know someone who has found their passion early on. Just be happy for them and continue on your own journey.

As they say ‘the world is your oyster’. I just hope you’re not allergic to oysters, like your mum.

Always thinking of you,

Mum x

 

 

~Guilt…broken heart~

Dear Lily,
One day you will experience getting your heart broken, don’t worry a letter has been written to you about this. Instead, today I write about the feeling of guilt when YOU are the person who breaks a heart.
Some relationships end quite badly and others end amicably, but hearts will still be broken. Today I write for the first time when I myself caused another beautiful soul heart ache.
He was a wonderful human being, who was always attentive to my needs, no matter how far apart we were. He had flowers and chocolates sent to me on a regular basis. There were morning texts and goodnight texts. He told me how beautiful I was regularly, and how happy he was that I was his girlfriend. He was proud of me and showed me off to his family and friends.  He was the perfect gentleman and what others would consider, the perfect boyfriend.
We never fought, he would always agree with me and would always do what I wanted to do. I know what you are asking, why did break up with him.  He seemed like the guy any girl would want.
For weeks before the impending break up I felt annoyed at him, I didn’t include him in my life anymore, I ignored his calls and didn’t message him as often as I used to. This was quite immature and something that won’t last, I knew that. But, I didn’t want to break his heart, because I knew how much he loved and cared for me.
But I finally did it; because he also knew that there was something wrong between us, due to the lack of communication and what had been happening in the last couple of months.
He called just after Christmas, and I knew that I had to finally break the news to him. I wanted to talk to him in person, but distance was an issue and telling him sooner rather than later was a better idea. In that conversation I finally told him that I was not happy in the relationship anymore; and was frank that I was not in love with him anymore, and I told him that the relationship was not moving forward. We both knew that we were not moving for the other. If we did love each other passionately, one would have moved by now, but neither did.
It was heartbreaking hearing his voice break and to finally hang up on the man I loved deeply, and still do. To hear his pleas and to read his messages after, made me feel guilty. Immense guilt.
But I knew deep in my gut that I wasn’t happy and that ending the relationship was the best thing for me, and also for him. Why was it good for him? Well he no longer had to chase his girlfriend anymore, he didn’t have to be ignored anymore, he didn’t feel annoyed anymore and he didn’t feel lost anymore. I knew I had to let him go so another person can make him happy, that person was clearly not me.
Lily, I felt guilt, immense guilt breaking this man’s heart. But in the end, I had to do what felt right for me. I had to listen to my heart and my gut, both telling me that ending the relationship was a positive thing for me. It may take time to completely realise this, but I know in time all will make sense. Bittersweet is the one word that comes to mind.
Lily, if you are not happy in the relationship, find out why, spend some time by yourself and listen to your heart and soul. Also, talk to your closest confidants and get their ideas. But, in the end it is your choice alone, no one can make it for you, and no one should.
If you are not happy in a relationship and if ending it is the right thing for you; it is natural to feel guilt and all sorts of emotions, listen to it and remember that time does heal wounds. Just don’t stay in that guilt or sad moment forever, it will pass and I promise that you will be happy again.
I just want you to be happy; and one day passionate love that grows and doesn’t diminish will find you. This type of love is worth the broken hearts that got you there; whether it was your doing or not.
Loving you always,
Mum x

~Another lesson…for my daughter~

Dearest daughter,

It seems as if only yesterday you entered this world. I remember holding you for the first time. You, my little one, were so tiny and fragile. You held my finger with your little hand and smiled up at me. The memory of that moment is, for all time to come, etched on my heart.

With your birth, I learned of new relationships and the meanings they hold. First I was your aunt. Then, when your mother would be away I would replace her. And now that you are growing up, I am your friend.

Dear one, there are things that I want to share with you today – my experiences and thoughts. Read them whenever you feel low and I am sure that you will be able to find new hope through them.

To begin with, I want you to be whatever your heart wishes you to be. Don’t imitate anyone else; remain true to your own self. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not to satisfy other people’s expectations. The world forces us to don masks. Sadly, overtime we begin mistaking these artificial masks for the faces we had hidden in the past. Don’t let this happen to you!

Always remember that no one owes you anything. If someone loves you, it is because there is something special in you that touched their hearts and brought them immense joy. As you grow older still, persistently try to find in you that special something and through recognizing and appreciating it, allow it to grow so that more love and friendship come your way.

The world is a beautiful place but often a few things can make it seem harsh. God’s temple is made of love. It is man’s temple that is built of stones. Open your heart to goodness. No matter what happens, don’t let negative people or thoughts take hold of you. The choice between being an optimist or a pessimist will remain right there in front of you. Choose one, choose wisely!

Don’t let the child in you die. As long as you nurture this child within you, you will find happiness and joy in life.

There is a purpose in everything and everyone that comes into your life. Whatever experiences fall your way, strive to find the purpose behind them. Find the space in your heart and mind to learn a new lesson from every purpose. If you find yourself close to failing at what you started out to do, don’t hesitate to ask for help around you. One who realizes that he is ignorant is ignorant no more!

My dearest child, I read somewhere that every man’s life is a fairy tale written by God’s fingers. There will be times in your life when you will think this is not true; you will feel that your life is too hard to be a fairy tale. At that moment, I want you to remember that fairy tales contain wonder and beauty but also a few bad things. Each one contains a jinn, a witch, a cruel queen or king, a monster, a giant, some sort of unpleasantness. The trick is to conquer this evil slowly. But before conquering those external forces, conquer the jinns and monsters hiding in your own heart. Get a grip on the devil inside!

Be bold, be brave and believe in the power of your dreams – the dreams that shine in your lovely eyes like stars will illuminate your way.

It is true that with every passing day, I will grow older and weaker. A day may come when I will become forgetful. But even then, you with your bright smile, will light up my heart.

I love you, dear daughter!

Your Alo.

Original blog found here.

~Grandmother…special love~

My Dear Lily,

There will be many people in your life who love you and will always love you.  You are surrounded by family, the people chosen by God to protect you, love you and care for you, for as long as they live.  Remember that family is not only created by blood, but also by unconditional love and respect.

You may think that it will only be your parents who will love you unconditionally.  Don’t forget your grandparents; you will share a special bond with them forever. This bond may sometime transcend the bond between parent and child. That connection between grandparent and child is special, because grandparents will always act on the benefit of their grandchild, even if it means foregoing the approval of the parent.

Lily, I grew up with my grandmother, until the age of eight. There are many reasons why I spent my formidable childhood years with my grandmother, and not with my parents or siblings, but that’s not something to dwell on. I want to write about the woman who raised me, as her own daughter.

My grandmother became a widow at the age of 18 (or thereabouts), with four young children and another on the way. With no real prospects for a job, she was offered to become a nanny/maid for a wealthy family in the city. The family had one daughter, but both parents worked and needed help with looking after their daughter and with the daily housework. This meant leaving her young children behind with her mother.  My great grandmother was a strict, but fair woman, and she too looked after her grandchildren while their mother worked. See Lily, you come from a long line of strong women who are survivors, and were all ahead of their time. Learn from them and embrace that part of you.

Moving in with the family, my grandmother became the mother figure in the child’s life and she cared for that child like her own; sometimes treating her better than her own children, whom she visited on holidays and some weekends. When all her children had grown up and had children of their own, my mother decided to have me live with my grandmother with the wealthy family. It may seem like an odd arrangement looking back, but my childhood was a happy one because of this.

My grandmother became my mother, and my father, the person who taught me right from wrong, who helped me with my homework, who fed me and clothed me, the person who showed me what love is. My grandmother, despite her busy duties in running a household, always had time for me. Every day, she would wake up at 6.00 am in the morning, get breakfast ready for the family and have their clothes ironed and ready for work. After all that, she would wake me up, organise my morning ritual that consisted of having a bath, then breakfast, (which always consisted of oatmeal and milo), have my lunch ready and clothed, all ready for school by 8.30am. Everyday, without fail (I don’t ever remember my grandmother being sick) she would take me to school, carrying my heavy bag and wait until I was inside my classroom. Once school had finished, like clockwork and always on time, my grandmother would pick me, sometimes stopping for a treat.

I was in awe of my grandmother then, and still to this day.  I am amazed at who she is and what she had accomplished, although she would think they were not worth bragging about. I can write a million and one things about how influential my grandmother has been in my life, how she has shaped my being and how she continues to do so every day. The one thing I would forever remember about my grandmother, is love.

My grandmother was the first person who taught me what it means to love, she did that by showing her love everyday, and not necessary by words. She showed it to her children, her grand children, her extended family, her friends and even to strangers. If she could give you the sun and moon, just so you can be happy, she would. That is what made that special bond between her and her grandchildren. No request was ever too small for her.

Lily, my grandmother knew who I am before I knew who I am. She knew what I was capable of, before I knew and even with my own doubts hovering my head. She loved me even though I wasn’t always the good girl she wanted and deserved. She cared for me when I was sick, even though she was tired from work. She pushed me to be better, but to also enjoy my childhood.

As years went and as I grew older, I didn’t keep in touch with her often. This was made difficult, because I lived in a different country and continent from her. As she got older and became sick, it became much more difficult to communicate with her, but I knew that love will always be there; and that is why sometimes I feel guilty for not being there as much as she was for me. But, never for a minute did I ever doubt her love for me and her wanting the best for me.

Writing and preparing the eulogy for her funeral was one of the most challenging writing tasks I have ever had to do. Because I knew that whatever I prepared I could never give justice to the life of this wonderful, selfless human being.  But my dear Lily, I mustered the courage to read it, with the hopes that it made her smile above.

Lily my love, love those people who matter and spend time with them while you have the chance. Distance should not matter, language should not either. You will then look back at the memories fondly, and not feel guilty that you could have done more.

I hope one day that i will experience that special connection with my grandchild, your child and be a great grandmother, as my grandmother was to me.

With all my love,

Mummy x

Lyrics by Halestorm~Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter
Hold your head up high
There’s a world outside
That’s passing by
Dear Daughter
Never lose yourself
Remember that
You’re like nobody else

Life throws you in
To the unknown
And you feel like you’re
Out there all alone

These are words
That every girl should have a chance to hear
There will be love
There will be pain
There will be hope
There will be fear
And through it all year after year
Stand or fall I will be right here
For you

Dear Daughter
Don’t worry about those stupid girls
If they try to bring you down
It’s cause they’re scared and insecure
Dear Daughter
Don’t change for any man
Even if he promises the stars
And takes you by the hand

Life throws you in
To the unknown
And you feel like you’re
Out there all alone

These are words
That every girl should have a chance to hear
There will be love
There will be pain
There will be hope
There will be fear
And through it all year after year
Stand or fall I will be right here
For you

Dear daughter
I was just like you
And just like me
You’re gonna make it through

These are words
That every girl should have a chance to hear
There will be love
There will be pain
There will be hope
There will be fear
And through it all year after year
Stand or fall I will be right here
And after all I will be right here
For you

 

~Period…bleh~

 

Dear Lily,

As you get older, and hopefully wiser, your body goes through many changes.  One day in your early teens, or maybe even younger, you will wake up with a sore stomach and possibly a headache. Do not be alarmed, this is normal honey. Sometimes it is so painful, that you just want to crawl and just stay in bed.  Don’t be afraid, this pain doesn’t last long. Heck, if you can handle these monthly disturbances to your daily life, you can handle any other discomforts your body will put you through.

Besides the cramps and headaches (which may at times feel like someone is drilling into your skull), you also have to contend with the blood. Yes, blood. Sometimes it feels as if there is always a constant flow of it, and you worry that it would leak through your clothing. Don’t be embarrassed, every woman has felt this and have had ‘accidents’ as well. So I have some tips for you, to manage this monthly girlies.

It is up to you if you want to wear a pad or a tampon, whatever is comfortable for you. Remember, you must always do what you feel is comfortable for you and your body. I say, try both and you may like using both a tampon and pad for different occasions. Just make sure you always wash your hands before and after changing.

If you ever run out of pad or tampons, because the girlies have suddenly crept up on you while enjoying a holiday, don’t be embarrassed to ask another woman if they have one. Every woman has had to ask another at least once in their life, which then leads me to another tip.

Always, always keep a couple of tampons and pads in ALL your bags. You just never know when your body decides to pick on you and at what occasion.

It doesn’t hurt to wear those big panties as your secondary underwear, while you have your period for extra leakage protection from your clothes.  Or, what I have personally done in the past is to wear boxer shorts as well as my underwear.

If you feel the need to, shower twice a day while you have your girlies. Actually, for me a hot shower always helps with the headache and stomach cramps. It also, doesn’t hurt to shower twice a day even when you are not on your menstruation.  This is the time to be really hygienic and change your pad and tampon as often as you can. You will learn this over time.

If you are in school, don’t be afraid to tell the teacher you need to go to the toilet, no need for you to give a reason, they will know.  You also don’t need to hide this from your girlfriends, it is good to let them know that the reason you are not feeling well, is you have cramps due to your period. There is no shame in going to the toilet as often as you want to, just tell them you have bowel issues.

It is a myth that women are moody or hormonal during their period, I think this was a myth perpetuated by men who couldn’t deal with our colourful personalities. Not all women are moody.

Drink tea, chamomile tea or green tea or oolong tea has always helped me with my cramps and headaches. However, if the headaches do become a migraine, don’t be afraid to use prescribed painkillers. Just do not rely on them too much. You shouldn’t have to take them for more than a day.

Lastly, don’t hate this part of your life, learn to embrace it. Once you start your menstruation process, it means that you are growing up to be a woman. That in itself is beautiful; it is a beautiful process, although painful. Menstruation is part of being a woman; it’s your body telling you that one day you are ready to carry a miracle inside of you, another human being.

 

Embrace it my love,

Mum xxx

PS. It also gets you out of doing gymnastics or swimming at school, unless you love gymnastics, well that’s great too. Men are very understanding with this, just mention you have your period and they leave you alone, because they don’t want to hear anything about it. That’s always a good thing.

Do you have other tips about how to live with the girlies? Feel free to share them below.