~the ONE…got away~

“One day, years from now I will be sitting with my daughter and she will ask me about the one that got away and I am sure you are the man I will tell her about.

The man with expressive eyes and devilish smile…

I will tell her about how you looked at me as if I was the only girl in the room and how you held my hand so protectively when we walked on the main road while it was pouring.

How you watched me eat and not finish food I bought on the streets…

How you hugged me when we slept and pulled my head up from your chest in the middle of the night to kiss me.

I will tell her about our morning conversations and how you made my day.

She will ask where you are and why we didn’t end up together.

I will tell her that the timing wasn’t right and that you had to choose. I will let her know that you didn’t choose me; not because you never loved me, but because you followed your heart and the heart doesn’t always have to go with what it wants…that sometimes it has to go with what it deserves.

I will tell her that you chose the woman in your arms right now because she understands and knows you better than I do.

And I will tell her you made the right choice because I would just have ruined everything not because I didn’t love you but because I was naive and selfish for I loved you too much.

I will tell her that I love his father but in my next life, I will look for you and never let you go again.”

From the blog post http://definitelyfilipino.com/blog/2015/01/21/to-the-one-that-got-away/

My dear Lily,

One day you will experience your first heart break, and I will not sugar coat this for you and tell you it’s something you just shake off. Hell no, getting your heart broken HURTS, a lot, but you cannot ignore it or avoid it. Just accept it as part of life.

BUT, there are many ways to lessen the hurt, AND the best cure is…TIME. Yes, as cliche as this may sound, tick tock, tick tock does cure that hurt. And MAYBE a little bit of retail therapy, chocolate therapy, and group therapy (which involves all the above, but with friends). I will write more about curing this heart ache in a later letter. I want to concentrate on that poem above about the so called ‘the one that got away’.

There have been many a songs about this specific topic on love and even poems dating back centuries. I will be honest and I will write that I used to think I was the one that got away from a couple of my ex-boyfriends. Yes, before your mother met your father she dated a few guys, shock and horror. Your father is not the first man I loved, but he is most certainly the last. Romantic at heart, but will write about how we met in later blog posts. One thing for sure, it was, well, interesting.

Back to the topic. One day you may feel that you are the ONE that got away, but try not to dwell on this, because it is a little naive, selfish and well, darn right narcissistic. If you dwell on this too much, you will miss out on that special someone.

You may one day disagree with me on this, but I don’t believe in that concept the one that got away. Why? Simple, if he got away then he wasn’t the right one for me, he isn’t my ONE…the ONE. The perfect person for you is the person loving and adoring you right now, who loves you and cherishes you. Not some guy you dated a lifetime ago that seemed so perfect then, but didn’t work out because of a few factors. That is just it, it didn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be, so move on. They are not your ONE.

It also isn’t fair for your current partner for you to be still pining over an ex that may have not treated you right and caused you heart ache. My advice for you my beautiful lady is to that you must move on and let go of your past before you can move on with a future.

Completely say goodbye to your ex, get them out of your system, facebook, instagram, email, burning ritual (I will one day explain how soothing this is) COMPLETELY. Not just in tangible ways, but in your heart and your head. Only can you then start dating someone else. Remember this other advice, don’t jump into a new relationship thinking that your new squeeze will help you forget the other squeeze. BIG no no.

Don’t ever expect someone to heal the pain your past caused you so you can move into your future. It isn’t fair for that person and it is isn’t good for your soul either (unless that person helping you is a professional therapist, they may certainly help you OR may make things confusing).

You must heal this pain with your own resources and on your own terms. Then you won’t have that problem of ‘the one who got away’. You will be fine my child, TIME does heal most wounds. And yes, a little chocolate and your dad’s credit card may help too.

Never forget that if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I am always here for you, to just listen to your venting.

Love you always,

Mum x

 

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~Happy New Beginnings~

My dear Lily,

Happy New Beginning my dear girl.

As you grow up you will find that New Years is about resolutions (and partying). A New year is always a good time to reflect on the year that was, to look back at what you were proud of and what you were not so proud of, hoping there were more moments of the former. This is also a good time to look at the people in your life. To really look back at the moments when you were down and depressed, and to see who were with you during those difficult times. Look back at the many memorable moments and remember the emotions you felt, the sounds and the smell. This will show what the important, happy and sad moments feel, so you are always familiar with those emotions.

Besides reflecting on what was, this is also a wonderful opportunity to look to the future. Think of what you would like to achieve in the year. Even look at past goals and see which ones are relevant and which ones you can finally cross off that endless list. There are so many goals and dreams we want to desperately become a reality. Some may take time and some may just be around the corner, waiting for you to open the door of opportunity. Don’t despair my little girl, with hard work, having faith in yourself and also asking for help once in a while, your dreams will become a reality. One day you will look back and be proud of all the things you have achieved. You will look back and say to yourself, ‘Wow, I can’t believe I did that’ and or ‘I wish i did that’, I hope it is more of the former.

I hope that you will experience that moment when you realise to yourself that you are right where you are supposed to be. After the past reflections and future gazing, you will one day stand proud, give a sigh of relief and say to yourself, with conviction, ‘I am right where I am supposed to be AND i LOVE it’. This is such an exhilarating feeling and quite a freeing moment. I wish that you will experience this many times in your life. Wendell Berry quote

After that exhilarating moment, your life purpose will become clearer, and you will stop caring about the people who no longer matter, and concentrate on those that do. Concentrate on activities you love to do and concentrate in constantly improving yourself.

Take time to always reflect, not just in the new year, but don’t spend too much time looking in the past either. The future is for your dreams to become a reality, live for this, but don’t everforget to enjoy the present and many moments during the year, because this is where your dreams meet your reality.

With love, your number one fan,

Mum